Wear the Horcrux, Dear

Dear Miss Chatty:

OMG, Miss Chatty, am I glad to be e-mailing you!! I have three parties coming up for the Holidays (4 if you count in New Years Eve)!! My question: WHAT TO WEAR??? Now I understand you are a pro when it comes to style . . . please enlighten me. Do I wear jeans, dress pants, skirt or mini skirt with knee hi boots!! And what color is IN for the Holidays!!

Baggens of the Mid-American Realm

Dear Baggens:

The first rule of thumb is to get the guest list for these various parties to assure that there's no cross-over traffic. Heavens to Betsy if you were to wear whatever you choose TWICE before the same traffic. For the three Christmas parties, jeans will NOT do, but dress pants, especially if they have a bit of silver glitter through them, will be just the ticket, with a bright red blouse and a gold pendant (and a sprig of holly in your hair). Be sure hubby doesn't wear a Hawaiin shirt, but a plain white top and grey slacks—a nice tan or tweed sweater would be just nice. He musn't outshine you, you know, unless the party is one of those Elijah Wood key parties. Of course, if you opt for a skirt, make it jolly and not poodle. Pleated is fine with a nice tartan, and those hi boots (if black) will be just fine, only take care with the heel. You don't want to be Santa's little domanatrix.

New Year is a different matter. Jeans (and I mean a good pair of 501's) is perfect, with a Claiborne ski sweater and a onyx pendant on a gold necklace, or dangle about the neck whatever he gave you for Christmas . And if he didn't get you some Christmas bling, wear one of Harry Potter's horcuxes that will give him the evil eye peridiocally .

Holiday colors: Why that rarely changes. Just think of the Italian flag, my dear and your IN. Red, White and Green. We all know that Father Christmas was really Chef Boy-yar-dee. Now, I've confused you. I said to wear black and silver, and yet I insist you wear Christmas colors. Well, easily solved. An extra sprig of holly and a pair of white gloves should do the trick. Send me pictures of the final couture and I'll show America just how the stylish mid-Westerner presents herself at the Christmas ball. Much love and do write again. We all know that Miss Chatty is full of it.