Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? The Gay Black Pharmacist!

Dear Miss Chatty:

I brought my boyfiend home to meet mom and dad last week and it was a very interesting experience. I'm a white homosexual laddie with fairly good taste in men. My boyfriend is an African American and, not only a good looker, but well employed. (He's a Pharmacist). Now, my parents have always been cool with my sexuality and have endured a whole bevy of beautiful men brought home for supper. With Gus, they were something else however. They were cold, inhospitable and condescending. I am sure it was a racist thing, but I want to confront my parents and find out for sure. Gus acquiesced in this treatment, but I find it intolerable. What should I do?

In love with whatever color, in Richmond, VA

Dear ILWWC:

Gus has become quite accustomed to prejudice, but no one ever really does. He is blessed with diversity, being both gay and a person of color, but with diversity comes a heavy burden. He has to endure the gutter tripe, who need to feel superior at the expense of others. Now, I am sure your parents are pseudo-nice—that is, nice when it agrees exactly with their way of thinking. But don't even think they accept your homosexuality, because if they did, they wouldn't be so judgmental in other departments—like race. What to do? You can't educate them at this point in their lives, but you can tell them like it is. Sit them down. Tell them that you love Gus and you don't care what his race is or their opinion of it. They would reacte the same way if you had brought home a black woman.

Parents plan for us the day we're born. I'm sure they didn't think their son would be coupled with a gay black pharmacist. In any event, make certain that Gus' feelings are covered. Be sure he's clear where you stand, because, eventhough you differ from your parents, it is never apparent to an outsider where racism lurks. It's more important he knows you are an open dear; that color is a non-issue here. Now if he wears white after Labor Day, that's another issue!

The Picture of Mary in Gray: the Diet Choke!

Dear Miss Chatty:

I'm a nautrally gifted artist who can draw almost anything at anytime. I do this spontaneously, always having paper and pencil at hand. The other day, in the park, I found myself drawing a classy woman who sat on a bench opposite to where I sat. I had a sketch pad with me, so it was obvious to anyone that I was drawing. She was drinking a Diet Coke and posed and winked and obviously was enjoying the experience. When I finished, I held it up to show her. She smiled, and walked over to me, then dumped the can of coke on me and it, walking away telling me to "take a photo next time." I was completely flabbergasted at such behavior. Did I do anything wrong?

Sundaed in the Park, New York, NY

Dear Sun:

Well, no and yes. It is always polite to ask before you commit someone's likeness to any media. Gifted artist or not, some people are offended if their likeness is captured for all to see or anyone to have without permission. Think of your likeness as your soul, the embodiment of your immortal remnants. I am sure that if you let her acknowledge your act, the second part of the story may never had happened. However, her actions were down right barbaric. If she had an objection, she should have waved her hands and said "stop" or chided you after the fact with a firm, but civilized "next time ask me." However, she chose to assault you - yes assault - and destroy your handiwork by defacing her own likeness. If I were you, I'd preserve the drawing - coke stain and all - frame it and hang it on a tree in the park. Label it "Diet Bitch!" because, if nothing else it truly depicts the reality of her soul, may she get a twist in her panties and chaff!

Unlucky on Vacation doesn't mean Lucky in love

Dear Miss Chatty:

Having found the most perfect vacation spot, I offered to take my friend Charles there on a holiday. It was in a place called Cabo San Lucas in Mexico. Everything was pefect, but he complained of the heat, the sand, the sun, the water, the food and the locals. The latter annoyed me to no end, as I am firm believer in human rights - so when he refered to them as the MexiPeons, I was mortified. All this quite ruined my time. Now, Charles has told everyone that we are a couple - as we vacationed together - and that he had a perfect time - which I know he did not. How do I handle this?

Sunburnt in Fargo

Dear Sunburnt:

I wish all my readers sent me problems this easy to resolve. As a so-called couple ,you can take liberties with him in public that I am sure will mortify him - so do it. Mortify him. Invite him to a party where most of the guests are people of color. Introduce him to several relatives who you find obnoxious. Every time he has something scheduled, schedule something else - something you know he doesn't like. Then after two weeks of that, go home - sit by the phone and wait for him to NOT call. Problem solved. Except, you should find a way to reward him for ruining your vacation. My bet is you have lousy photographs of him having a terrible time in Mexico. Post them on an internet page with funny quips and get it linked out to your mutual friends. Use PhotoShop to make them more ludicruos. Make sure he gets the link - and I think he'll get the hint.

The New American Dream: Belorussia!

Dear Miss Chatty:

When I was a lad, I worked hard for my extra money. I ran errands, I delivered perscriptions for the local pharmacy, I shovelled snow in winter, raked leaves in fall and dug ditches in Summer. I never had an allowance, nor did I expect one. I started working full time one week after high school graduation, and, except for a short two year military break, have worked for the last 40 years non-stop. Now, I do feel sorry for the younger generation and the employment situation; however, am I crazy? Do they think they are owed a living? My nieces and nephews think this is Belorussia or somewhere. They expect work and/or an allowance ready for them regardlesss of effort or choice. They call me old-fashioned and tell me times have changed. Should I hang it all up?

Atticus Finch in Hooverville, OH

Dear Atticus:

They are right - times are changing. BUT, not for the better. You are right. They do expect a hand out. It isn't Belorussia (there you'd wait a long time for a hand out). But, the system tells them that it is their right to GET money. TV shows them how to spend it. You had no TV to drive you to the bling-bling or the Internet Malls. Your work ethic was instilled by the previous generation, you know - the Greatest. Don't hang it up; and don't be smug yet. Who knows, maybe the chillin' know sumpthin' we all missed, like all them money trees planted in Eden Valley or those red Cadillac bushes mustered to keep them all in designer drugs. Who knows? Maybe the next generation will get to the ultimate goal. A life in the marsh lands of Belorussia!